1977: The director attempts to distract from Smokie with no end of wipes and washes when pointing out the girl you see a couple of times sporting a massive hat would do. Distractions would do well to occur while Danny Mirror is on, and he's trying just that himself with all those shoulder epaulet buttons and what looks like bulbs in the sleeves. Given the futuro-disco of Giorgio to have a go at Legs & Co retreat into silhouette almost as if they don't want to be seen at their most energetic.
1983: How should one introduce the first band on a TOTP? Enthusiastically towards the musical wonderments yet to come? Casually, knowing the show builds to a number one climax? Getting the audience physically hyped up to the point of abandonment? Freeez open this programme, and it's left to the Rhythm Pals to show the way. David Grant was never a shrinking violet as far as Pops performance went, but listen before he starts singing for someone shouting "do it, David, do it!" in case he was thinking about walking out or something. Suitably emboldened by both coercion and big microphone, he does it. And here's something surely nobody thought they'd ever see - New Order's famously shoddy Blue Monday repeated by public (well, probably host) demand.
1988: Are The Wee Papa Girl Rappers' jackets inflatable? You have to wonder about the point of the keytarist, given he's stuck away in a corner of the set and the music is being defined by the more visible DJ. Erasure's baggage duties must have been enormous if they had to cart those letters around.
1994: Somewhere in the middle of two minutes' worth of uploader captions, INXS. Of course Hutchence is wearing dark glasses.
2000: Look here at Robbie Williams and Kylie Minogue, all over each other in a way Nick Cave never managed. Robbie still needs his own space, of course. And yet it's still far less realistic than Zombie Nation. You may like to note a) the producer clearly doesn't know when to stop and b) a strange man grabbing a girl round the waist gets the first, and manliest, cheers of the routine.