1977: A notorious Legs & Co example of literalism, given Maxine Nightingale's Love Hit Me and deciding the second word of the title is the important one. Their adoption of comedy expressions is fine improvisational work but like us all, Kid Jensen immediately attempts to disassociate himself from goings-on. Look at the end, nobody's watching.
1983: "We start off for starters, right?" Peter Powell, as comfortable with the language as ever. Dexys Midnight Runners in their vagrant finery, Kevin Rowland proving himself one of the worst mimers of all, and presumably he sacked the drummer on a whim at 7.20pm. Sadly the record does not show how Powell introduced Twisted Sister, though you'd assume he'd start pulling down bits of the set in excitement at Dee Snider as demure as expected and that one really excited bloke at the front. Metal = smoke bombs. You should know this by now.
1988: Song For Europe time again, this year's UK entry written by Julie Forsyth (who had been in Guys 'n' Dolls) and sung by Scott Fitzgerald, using Kid Jensen's 1977 hair. This ran Celine Dion's winning song down to the last voter on the night. Glen Goldsmith's look was leather jacket, gloves and tracksuit bottoms, which feels wrong in all sorts of ways. Pet Shop Boys at number one encouraged Chris to put his best sailor's hat on and run an MS-DOS program to remind himself what his band are called.
1994: More Pet Shop Boys, having moved on just a touch in costume, stage design and delivery. Those computer graphics were cutting edge 3D, because that's what PSBs did in those days. It took the rest of us so long to catch up if you think about it, though the most interesting visual moment is in proper 2D is at 3:03. That looks a lot like the rock journalist Phil Alexander in the red T-shirt, but clearly it's not him, it's the man in the foreground having something of a messiah-impels-thee moment, both somewhat undignified and glorious. Especially as it's David Walliams. No, look again, it actually is. And if you need further proof, look to his left at the man in the flat cap and check shirt. Take That were at number one, indisposed in Europe but not so busy they can't go to a Portakabin and send a bored message back partly to welcome aboard debutant presenter Andi Peters. If only we knew then what we know now where that would lead. Stop chewing that straw thing, Williams.